Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
