She's JV to your varsity
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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