Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
