People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
