i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
