New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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