I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
