I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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