Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
