someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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