I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish my penis had an off switch
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
