I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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