I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
