you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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