1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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