I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
