In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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