I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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