im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
