Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
