dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
