just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
