Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
