Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
