I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
