I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
