you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
