I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
