i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
