No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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