I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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