All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
