At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
