all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize