He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
