You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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