i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
