As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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