Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
