pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize