If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
