now i know why i became what i already was.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
