Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
