If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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