Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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