ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
