i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
