direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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