I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
