if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
