You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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