I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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