1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
