I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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