Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
