i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
