the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
