; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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