dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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