Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
