P.S. I can't hear my feet
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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