for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
