2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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