Having a random hookup so left but love u
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
