This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
