How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
