cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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