if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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