C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
