the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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