this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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